Elopement vs Wedding: How to Choose The Best Fit for You

It’s easy to forget what your wedding day is actually about. Besides the obvious mission of marrying your best friend, it’s also a day of celebration. Not only of the marriage itself, but also the accomplishment of making it to this life-changing stage in your relationship. How you commemorate that matters, and making the choice between an elopement vs wedding is totally up to you!

Elopement vs Wedding: Starting with the Definitions

What an elopement means can end up being significantly different according to every couple. While weddings traditionally stick to specific elements: portraits, first look, ceremony, cocktail hour, reception, etc., an elopement is free to build from scratch. Here’s how I define an elopement vs wedding:

Elopement Definition

An elopement is an intentional, quiet and epic day often involving just the two of you that centers around authentically celebrating your relationship. This can look like anything from zero to 20 guests and the details are yours to design.

Wedding Definition

Just like an elopement can be more adventure-leaning or laid back, there are also different wedding options such as a small and intimate wedding. These include fewer guests, a looser wedding schedule template, and again, more focus on the couple themselves.

I would define a traditional wedding as a prescriptive event that follows a standardized wedding timeline checklist. The day is focused on providing a guest experience rather than revolving around the couple themselves. It is still about the two of you getting married, but the day is run more so by what is expected of you than what you may truly want.

As an elopement and wedding photographer, I actually enjoy shooting both types almost equally. I tend to enjoy adventurous elopements somewhat more (especially ones in Moab!) since the couples are more true to themselves with a day tailored around them. Either path will lead you to getting married, but it’s the steps taken and how your day is focused that distinguishes the two routes to this lifetime commitment.

What to Consider When Choosing Between an Elopement vs Wedding

Once you’ve decided to get married, the biggest question is always how and when. Before you head in any direction, it’s important to understand the main markers that differentiate a traditional wedding from an elopement. Considering the pros and cons of an elopement vs wedding positions you to make the best decision about one of the most important days of your life!

ELOPEMENT PROS

• Reduced stressors
• More cost effective
• Fewer vendors
• More flexible, non-traditional experience
• Increased intimacy 
• More options for wedding ceremony locations
• Focus on your experience instead of your guests
• Freedom to fully express yourselves
• No limitation on length–from several days to morphing into your honeymoon
• No outside influences

ELOPEMENT CONS

• Limited guest list
• Difficulty leaving out family
• Less in-person assistance
• The feeling of missing out or limiting your experience
• Less planning support

WEDDING PROS

• Biggest party you’ll ever throw
• Celebration that includes all family
• Creating a unique experience for guests
• Fulfilling a life-long vision or dream
• Everyone centers their attention on you
• More in-person support
• Sharing a memory-making experience with loved ones

WEDDING CONS

• Increased costs
• Lost focus on your relationship
• Potential family drama
• Outside input from others
• Pressure to perform or ensure the day runs perfectly
• Increased planning, decisions and logistics
• Sticking to traditions that hold no meaning to you
• Added stress and less time alone as a couple
• Limited to a single day

What to Do When Family Pushes Back

I understand that not everyone feels that they have the power to make the elopement vs wedding decision. Outside pressures, cultural expectations, or even disagreements between partners can lead to a wedding day you never wanted.

It’s very common for families to dislike the idea of an elopement. This can be especially tough for older generations or even your own parents. It’s important to remember that it’s not their decision–it’s yours! If you plan to elope, take the time to explain to your family why you have chosen this route. Most of my elopement couples have received pushback from their family, but I’ve never had a single one regret their decision.

One available compromise when you want to elope but are getting pushback from your family is to follow it up with a reception celebration that includes everyone. Just do whichever feels right to you two without letting the noise of family members make the decision for you!

A Final Word on What to Do When You Can’t Decide

Seven years ago, my then girlfriend Hannah and I decided to elope on a whim. After receiving both our parents’ blessings, we invited each of our two best friends, then went down to the courthouse in Honolulu and just made it happen! We followed up with a trip to Kauai and had a photographer take the most beautiful wedding photos. It was the best decision ever!

The lines are blurred between an adventure elopement, regular elopement, and a small wedding. You get to decide how traditional or non-traditional, adventurous or standardized, personalized or generic the parts that comprise your day. No matter what you call it, just make sure that the day feels like it’s your own.

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